I’m a closet makeup addict, I love nothing more than to pile on the slap – red lipstick, heavy eyes false lashes – the works. But my boyfriend is horrified and insists that I adopt the virginal Victorian look I had when we met. How can I convince him that more is more?

SS, London

In an episode of The Simpsons, Homer invents a makeup shotgun that has two settings:

1. Virgin
2. Whore

He shoots Marge in the face so that she can look both ways. You need your boyfriend to build this device because this dilemma is not about you this is about him.